I Jabbed a Pregnant Woman

The title really says it all. I jabbed a pregnant woman.

It wasn't a poke. Or a prod. It was a straight up jab. And not even on a sensible place on her body. I jabbed her baby. What kind of person am I???

It happened while I worked at Save-On-Foods (the grocery store which sells slightly over-priced food but insists that you get "more, more, more" by shopping there...).

Here is a picture my old store! Fun times

Once you enter the main threshold of the store and turn left, there is a "hidden" staircase which takes you to The Office. It's one small space which has a window that allows people up there to surveil the store. Creepy? I think so.

Up in The Office is where employees (mostly managers) can go to pick up labels, order forms...etc. for their department. One sunday I went up there in the morning to go gather the labels for my department. Usually people who worked the graveyard shift are still working at this time.

So I get to the top of the staircase. Collect my sh*t. And, of course, stop to talk with one of the graveyard gals (who had been hanging signs all night). She had on this really old-looking, puffy jacket that was definitely from the men's department. It was massive on her.

It was just the two of us up there, so I decided to make small chat. I began by saying the usual: "oh hey! How's it goin'? Haven't seen you in a while"
Puffy-Coat replied: "Oh good. How are you?"

I said I was good as well.
We then had a bit of an awkward silence.
I needed to brake that silence.
Nothing is worse than awkward silences... because both of you KNOW its awkward and are probably dying for the other person to start up another topic.

"Oh my", I said in a playful voice, "it almost looks like your pregnant".

I then tightened my fingers together to form an optimal jabbing position. (As demonstrated above). And proceeded to jab her right in the belly.

Silence.

Puffy-Coat: "...That's because I am pregnant".

More silence.

Me: "Oh!"

Silence Again.

Me:  "...I'm sorry".

I walked away SO FAST. I am such an ass. Wow.
If her kid has brain damage, it's MY fault. Who jabs a pregnant woman? I'n definitely going to hell.

In my defence, I didn't know. The puffy coat from the mens department would have been baggy on a portly man! Ya'll shouldn't hide your baby bumps. Show them off!
....so that next time I will think before I jab.

Awkward Scale: AA
(out of a possible 5 "As")